- Hello.
- Hello, how are you doing?
- I am fine, thank God.
- So, how was your exam today ibhog?
- Well, as I said the last night, don’t ask about anything related to study these days, there ain’t nothing good to say anyway.
- Well, then … whats up … I mean, you are the one who said hello first ?!
- Yeah .. you know, actually I have nothing to say .. just wanted to say hello.
- Come on, silly … tell me, you’re in love … ha?
- Ha, thats comic, you know … because if I am in love, I’d probably be talking to someone else right now, don’t you think?
- Well, that depends … many love stories have no talking chapters at all, sadly enough if you know what I mean, but I don’t think a love story you star can have these many sad silent scenes.
- Hey, calm down … love, story, star, scenes … its not that big deal … its ju_
- So there is a deal .. even if its small, but its a deal .. come on, confess.
- Confess?? love, if its love at all that I have in mind, is not a sin to confess, and by the way really, I have many horrible things to confess, so let love aside.
- You know, ibhog, you really are a strange mix of thoughts, a good mix actually, and sometimes you imagine that you are a bad person, but in fact you are not, you’re cool, open minded, smart, cute, social, informative and motivating. But you let the hard moments devastate anything else, even if this anything is good, you just judge yourself by the moment, and you call yourself a high level thinker. I mean, I am not that keen on knowing about what makes you so depressed these days, but the thing I am concerned with is how a supposed perfect person like you can get that low .. and believe me, look at yourself in the mirror, you look like … __
- It’s worse than that btw …
- Whatever. So, can Mr. ibhog tell us whats really going on?
- You don’t know how it feels when you have so many great things that you want to do and the great confidence in yourself that you can do many things, but when it comes to reality … its like you hit a very tall, thick, dark wall … then, you realize that you are still in your room, and that these great things you were thinking of .. just flew away. You don’t know how it feels when you begin actually struggling to accomplish the tiniest bit of a good thing, and you find yourself unsupported, or busy with something you are forced to do. I know that I am a good person, but what the hell is that good person you’re judging me against, smart?, cool?, open-minded? … every person thinks like that of himself .. so we are back to zero again .. there is nothing perfect, nor special nor … In fact, saying these things to me sometimes bring me down and discourage me from following up, because you give me the feeling that I am good, keep up, you’re good, oh wow what a great idea, ibhog is cool, ibhog is motivating … thats the very start point and, at the same time, its the only point I cover. I suddenly stop. I then begin to take my breath and see what the hell had just happened .. where did everything go .. everything flew away, leaving you with the hardest feeling you can ever imagine, looser, talker and lazy. I’ll give you an example, amongst my hard times these days, I began (God, I always do the beginning …) to think about writing a novel, its just a new thing, I need badly to change … so , its a good hell of a start you know, a novel ? wow. I began to list my ideas about the novel, what should it cover, will it be realistic, romantic, symbolic … I began to do a good plan, actually I also got the point that I should begin the novel with, now comes the part that I hate; __
- Let me guess, you didn’t manage to write a one complete page?
- There you said it yourself.
- Can you give me another example of these, what should I call it, insufferable, maybe, situations that you hate, I mean a good idea you started to think about and when you come to implement it you __
- Its not about implementation only, sometimes, the surrounding atmosphere does not help at all to complete, I mean your study sometimes prevent you from doing things, btw I think I will have a lot of talk about study, sometimes you don’t find the needed encouragement. For instance, my dad owns a market that works on hygienic and cleaning products, for sorrow, the profit is so small compared to the effort and the salaries of the market clerks, so dad was thinking about shutting it down. I then began to think of a solution, I began to think of a more customer-oriented strategy, because in our district, lives many high class people that almost always buy the things we sell from larger markets like Carrefour. So, I began to think “why not we deliver their needs on a period section basis”, we can plan the rest of the things easily, we can make coupons, or so-called packages, a web site and thats all what it takes to grasp those people attention. I even had the plan to begin with only 5 customers, …. bla bla bla. The point is when I told dad about that, he remained silent for a period of time enough for me to just shut up, I realized after that that the difficulty comes from who will begin and supervise the plan. Sadly there were none, I am busy with so-called college, and dad is busy with his new job. So the thing just stopped, flew way, blown away … whatever.
- And what makes you feel low or depressed about this one?
- I have the feeling that I can make this idea succeed, the depression thing comes solely from college, because I think its the only handicapping thing now.
- Tell me , ibhog, what do you do for fun? I mean movies? songs? anything.
- Well, thats a weird question, but yes, I see movies, I sometimes listen to calm music or good worded songs .. and I officially am a cartoon fan.
- Mmmm, do you study hard, I mean, of course you study hard, you are #5 on CS, I mean how do you approach study.
- Well, about the order, I don’t think that would last too long, not this term. About study, I really do not spend that much time on study, and thats from my younger days, I think I am somehow gifted in this area, I can grasp a lot of information with small time consumption, and whilst studying, I focus too deeply to hear my sister when she enters the room and talk to me about anything.
- You said that you have some talks about study …
- Well, yeah, I feel like I am not in my field, I mean I feel that this is not my place, and that’s so brief, and also new, that feeling came to me just this term.
- What?! do not tell me you did not want to enter FCI?
To be continued,
