I don’t know why this blog is constantly being a place to deliver bad news and talk about sad situations .. while it was meant in the first place to be green and full of life.
Anyways .. I feel a very weird feeling now!
I got a very bad mark in a very easy course!
Was I wrong? .. of course .. in terms of attendance and assignments .. I wasn’t taking the appropriate care .. but it turned out that they had a very high weight in the grade!.
Anyways .. I really am not sad for those grades .. what I am really ailed for is that feeling of remorse I am holding now .. didn’t I know that I had to pay.
Maybe because it’s the first time for me to get such a bad evaluation .. it was a kind of a shock to be honest. But I am not content about having this feeling at all .. I should now be cool and take it very easy .. and to live with it.
I work now for a pretty cool company (e7l) .. I’m really not planning to follow any academic track after graduation and at the same time .. I’ll try to keep my general grade as ‘Excellent’. Actually, I persuaded myself that even a ‘Very Good’ will suffice to build a reputable career.
Is it that hard to be high graded with some below average courses! .. is it that freaking hard to get free one time of that self-accusal … aahhhhhhhh
It ruins me .. I had once very good aspects in and thoughts about studying .. and my college .. destroyed a lot in me .. a lot! .. those 4 years had a very negative impact on me ..
I once judged blabbering about college to be a total waste of time .. and I still judge the same.
I am talking now about myself …
things I need to do after college :
- stopping accusing myself all the time .. while being a victim!
- thinking about college in slightly less serious and very different way
- learning math from zero again!
- starting to pay attention to more important people and things in my life.
- vanquishing all depressing thoughts about college and taking things easy.
- trying to have variable things to do .. and focus mainly on building a good career.
Funny fact : I had two courses before whose grades were ‘C+’ .. I felt like hell back there but I lived normally .. 
A colleague of mine once observed all of the above mentioned symptoms on my face while discussing a project .. he told me “Ibraheem .. we won’t enter prison in the end, and no one will conquer your home .. so get a grip and be redeemed! we mate2refneesh”
——
I just need something .. I need another step .. one other change.
Things that were changed in me positively lately:
- I lost weight, become more sober and accomplished a desired level of self restrain.
- I have now many activities … not that many! (at least I work as a coder:D )
- I began to work out .. that stopped now .. but it’ll be resumed isA.
- I feel comfortable and productive in my job environment .. a thing that I was worried about so much.
- I gained good technical experience lately .. and am, thank God, preserving my learning fast pace.
- I am now taking things easier than before .. but the impact is still hard.
Things in my change-list:
- I want to begin a new activity, I have many in my mind now.
- I feel I need to know more people. Mohamed once told me, that getting to know people is an important sort of change.
- I want to NOT feel like today again ever! .. I mean seriously now .. I took the decision of prioritizing college as second or maybe even third to work and personal life and comfort. So I don’t wish to be sad about it again .. because practically it won’t do me nothing .. nor would it add a value to me .. either in education or even in personal experience!
- Most importantly .. to begin to change!
The beginning is the hardest step. To begin is exactly the needed stimulation to kick off things .. it’s the very fact of change in literal.
Things that were changed in me lately were begun by a motive .. the hope to get rid of the ashes of the last term .. I began to think about the question ‘Why’ very often .. it lead me to me at the end .. and that no one deserved care but myself!
Now .. I want to gear up with something .. this is the thing I wish for. I want a powerful motive to begin with. For instance, 2 months passed since the day I decided that I’ll work out at dawn every day after the prayer .. the thing that never really took place during the two months! because I sleep late .
I want to study some programming thingies .. but I get busy with weird things.
I want to begin in math! .. believe me .. math appeared to be easier and simpler than what was drawn in my mind .. I got that Calculus book and began to read in it .. simply as is! .. math is equivalent to practice! .. paper + pencil + 30 mins a day = total joy with numbers and refreshed mind, this is one thing that college totally ruined.
But till now .. I didn’t begin .. and that’s not healthy really .. do I need another bad experience to slap me and give me the motive. Heck! .. that’d be hilarious .. I need another type of kick-off which I really am now trying hard to find.
I feel much better now after writing this post.
A legion of things to do .. is equal to the persistence needed to accomplish the first thing of them. I want persistence with the motive … may God help me isA.
Farewell,
