- Sorry, did you just say a runaway ?!

- Yes!, especially after the insane thing we did at college.

- I believe you’re talking about the public complaint your class did against your dr.

- Aaha!

- So, what do you mean by a runaway, you will run in the college? that’d be crazy.

- Well, I’m thinking that all students should run at the same time.

- What!, I thought public runaway means that you will perform an individual flee on your own, and infront of the crowd, which, I still believe is crazy!

- You know, the word crazy isn’t that much of a matter now, besides, being crazy is change, and it’ll be a lot of fun.

- What are you exactly planning, mad ibhog ??

- Okay, on the very final day of college, the day when the last team in the whole class delivers their graduation project, all students gather in the college courtyard, and when the time comes, we all run, together, till we reach the college gate. I’m thinking of myself, then, holding a mic and guiding the flee. When everybody reaches the gate, we group ourselves again, and say it loudly, all of us, at the same time, FREEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

- Hey!, that was loud!

- Sorry, I just am imagining how I’d like things to happen, that’s all.

- And ?

- What ?

- Heck, ibhog, that’s it .. stupid and uninteresting.

- Man!

- Really, this is silly, besides, who will run, I mean, people won’t follow this. Think of something different.

- Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank!

- Damn it .. you’re freakin’ noisy!

- Hell I am! .. God am so bored.

- What’s wrong ?

- Am tired and so not wanting to do anything and I have a mid-term after tomorrow, for which I discoverd I’ll have to study many things, I didn’t know that all that stuff is there in those stupid three chapters!

- How ignorant! Tell me, frankly, did you bother attending any lecture of those ___

- Noooooooooooooooone!

- Heck.

- Help!

- What ?

- I’m suffocating from boredom. I’m dying … I’m deaaaaaaad.

- World is happier!

- Now, you’ll have to bury me in my own miserable wishes in life. I can’t hold it anymore.

- You deserve to be buried in mud instead.

- Doesn’t make it any different if you ask me.

- I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t know they’re the same!

- Wait wait wait …

- My God!

- I can see her ..

- OH MY GOD! , you’re officially hired in the company of non-sense, the division of holy shit, and you’ll report to your chair!

- She’s so beautiful, and I feel thirsty.

- And I forgot .. drinking water in breaks is prohibited to cut expenses.

- Can’t you see that .. the twilight .. the wind is calm, and I feel that she’s coming towards me. And the river, the water purl is sooo peaceful. I can’t move, I feel frozen and legless.

- ibhog ..

- Man, I’m needing this. Oh!, she has a shiny golden ladle, and her hair is silver! and she’s heading towards the river bank. I can see her now, leaning down and intersecting the water with her merciful hands, and filling her ladle with water. She was careful not to come with wet ____

- I feel sorry for you!

- She is beside me!, and her strong soul made her able to rise my head above her lap. I was in the hands of the butler-woman, the prince of the village on the river-side. Oooh, my heart could feel the cool water she allowed into my body.

- Do I leave the room now ?!, because, you know, I’m shy from R rated scenes.

- You’re so silly man, can’t I have a moment with myself.

- If those are your private moments, then, I fear for you!

- Don’t be!

- You seem that you’ve watched an anime cartoon lately.

- So, you admit that girls in those cartoons are beautiful than the real deal.

- Real deal!!!!

- Sorry, I take that back.

- That’s what spare time does to miserable people.

- Ok, Mr wisdom, rain me with lessons!

- The first lesson is to be sane when it comes to private moments. Because, many actions in life are the bare production of useful, private moments.

- I can’t see that I made any production in my life.

- The second lesson is to value whatever you do in your life, as long as you feel it’s right.

- Neither!, rarely I feel that right!

- You’re just feeling a little under the weather, that’s all.

- Hfffff.

- You ever thought about visiting orphanages or infirmaries ?

- I don’t like to.

- Why ?!

- I feel very bad when doing so, to the extent of being severely harmed.

- You must have felt some kind of change.

- I have, but in a bad way.

- Well, making those people happy, is one beautiful thing to do with your life.

- I’ll think about ..

- Okay.

- So, tell me, about that runaway .. I really want something to happen, and I’m so excited about that idea. Ok, I know it’s quite boring .. but I’m thinking of adding some spices to the event to make it hotter.

- Why don’t you all continue the runaway, but in a calmer pace, we don’t want you all picked up in police boxes, to some hotel.

- Hotel!

- Yes, where you can hold a party there.

- Mmmm, that’s interesting.

- And of course, the party has a plan.

- Hehe, I’m fond of making plans, especially the type IN VAIN!

- No!, that’s the point, you’re not the one who’s executing the plan, I even suggest to leave the planning to someone else.

- Quite having a point

- So, about the plan, you can make a small movie that you’ll all watch during your outing, in the hotel hall.

- A movie!

- Yes .. the characters are from the class, students will make the small movie, you can think of it as a live performance of a dramatic telling. There’s direction, scenario and music.

- And there would be audience

- That’s smart , of course there will be, because you’ll be setting in a hotel main hall or something.

- Mmmm.

- And, here is the thing that will interest you.

- Aha ?

- I suggest that you write the scenario of the tale to be performed, even help in directing it.

- This is weird, you said that no one will participate in the runaway with me, and yet, it’s obvious that your idea is even more crazy!

- More interesting, and you’ll find many who will agree to this idea.

- I don’t know.

- Just begin thinking about the scenario, it should be short, be performed in .. say 30 mins at most.

- This is way far from short!

- Well, with your stupid extravagance and over-reaction it’d be very long. Try, ibhog, to be iconic somehow, you always express things at the large, and in the air! .. be real and sane and you’ll produce something fantastic. And …

- And what ?

- Scenes like the one you were day-dreaming a moment ago .. are not allowed!

- Though it’d have made the telling far more exciting, but I think I understand

- Heck!

- Anyways .. I’ll think about that, hopefully!

- Yes, hope you accomplish it with your friends and bid yourselves a cool farewell.

- Ok .. well .. gotta go now .. I need to have rest because I’m so tired.

- You’re tired from your own head .. believe me.

- Whatever ..!

To be continued,

- Well, that was long.

- Yah!, I think the last time we talked was like ..

- more than one year ago!

- Wow .. that really was so long man

- yup!

- So, how are things and so ?

- They’re quite fine thank God .. what about you?

- I’m cool too and things are going well.

- Good .. I really miss those days.

- Me too! it was fun, though sometimes it was sad.

- Whatever it was, it’s good memories and that’s enough to be missed.

- You’re right about that, actually, many things happened this year.

- I know .. that’s why I can’t hold it, come on .. gimme some stories.

- They’re many, let’s start by my Memoirs section.

- Yah, you wrote one blogisode and you decided to suddenly die

- Funny , well, I wrote the first one .. but not yet published.

- Is it about you mother ?

– No, when I thought it a little, I decided at the end to group my chronic desires in one thing.

- How’s that ?

- Well, I always wanted to write a story, actually, I made a fair amount of trials that all ended up in nothingness. So, I’ll write my memoirs as a story, or following the way a narrator tells a story generally.

- Were you going to write it in a different way ?

- Nope, I was going to write separate things, whatever comes up from my memories, I write it down. That’s why in my first blogisode, I listed some topics to write about. But, now, I’ll write the whole time line from the beginning.

- That’s interesting .. but it would depend on how detailed you will choose to be ..

- I think I’ll be quite detailed, you know, when I was remembering my life back there in the past, I discovered that I have extremely many things to write about!

- Please, get rid of your over-reacting nature .. take things easy.

- BTW!, I lately have out weighted that bad habit with little soberness, and I think I’m better now, thanks to you , so don’t worry, I’ll try to be practical and produce a nice thing, I promise

- Hopefully! .. it was a bad habit you had, and believe me, readers will be bored from extravagance.

- I know .. but really, I think things are going well isA. So, as I just told you, I’ll tell my story from the very beginning .. so I can document the full picture. At the same time, I’ll accomplish my second desire of writing generally.

- Good really.

- I found that I have something to write, rather than my other trials, where I couldn’t find much information .. I think I lacked preparation, for scenarios, characters and so.

- It’s a large project, and I read once that writers produce complete profiles about their main characters in the story before writing the story itself.

- Yes!, and that’s already done in my Memoirs, because simply, the main characters are my own family .. so things are way easier. And I think it’s a good start.

- I hope you make a good thing at the end, but tell me, ibhog, why will you write about your memories.

- The same question I asked myself when I first thought about it, and till now, I don’t have that solid reason.

- Mmm, I believe that having a good motive will make you pursue till the end, rather than being hanged in the middle, as usual.

- You know, my motives are always short on me, their effect never lasted the long I wish for them always to be. I was told by someone I knew once, that I’m a kind of starter than a finisher, the thing that itches me and I try my best always to reach that so-called finish stage that I terribly long for!

- A good motive is enjoying yourself with the production you’ll end up seeing infront of your eyes, I mean, think about it, after isA you finish your memoirs, isn’t it enough that you’ll see your life infront of your eyes, and by then you’ll have the choice to remember all your beautiful memories when you want to.

- Of course that will be beautiful, but not enough for me to pursue, and I’m afraid of slacking away again.

- Then, my advice to you is to not continue your writing without settling down on your big motive behind writing. And, don’t fool yourself, you’ll have to come up with a good reason, one that will make you presume if one day you felt lazy or anything.

- Mmmm, I’m blank! .. God!

- How about publishing it ?

- Sorry ?!

- Yes .. publishing your memoirs in a book.

- That’s hilarious ..

- You were thinking about that .. please don’t play with me.

- What makes you think I thought about publishing it.

- So you really did .. look .. I’m not saying it’s something bad, on the contrary, it’s one hell of a strong motive.

- Whatever, it’s not guaranteed, weather I wished for it be published or not.

- Again!, you jump straight to the end.

- What do you mean ?!

- I mean you’re now thinking about publishing itself, not about being it a good motive. You know that not much of the great writers were gnostic of the fact that their works were actually going to be published! One of the very basic reasons behind failing yourself is thinking about the end too much .. and in a wrong way.

- I feel that you have a point.

- Heck .. of course I have, there’s a difference between an end and a motive.

- Things are getting philosophical ..

- Not more than you always end up being ..

- OK, let’s assume that my motive now is that one far day, those words might be published, will that be enough for me to set myself tight till the end ?!

- Apparently, it’s useless if you don’t have the desire initially to have such a motive, I mean, that if you have some other things that you wish for.

- Like what ?

- Mmm .. like, say, writing your memoirs for someone to read it, some explicit person you wish they read your words.

- It’s normal that I be happy when readers read my words, but not someone in specific. Look, I’ll try to tell you something that may form a good motive.

- Please do!

- Well, through all the years of my life I have the feeling that someone always must know how I see things from my inside, scene by scene in life, I believe, has a very special reflection in myself that must be known by others, and the fact that things just pass by and go away hurts me so much. That’s honestly one of the very basic reasons I wanted to write in the first place.

- You’re starting to make sense at last ..

- I can’t reason about it much, but I deem my judgment to be very special all the time, and believe me, it’s not arrogance, but my views end up right somehow in many ways. However, I don’t find the time to explain or clear out my position.

- Why do you consider it so special, I mean, everyone have this somehow, everyone needs more time, most the time!, to explain themselves.

- Well, another thing, the thoughts themselves, I feel I approach life very differently, I can’t express more .. sorry.

- Go on …

- Sometimes, I think that if I had all the vocabulary of all the languages, then only then, I’ll be able to express what I truly feel. Words, many moments, betray me and paint the wrong picture. Rarely, had I managed to articulate it exactly. I think you notice that from our talk and my writings generally.

- Well, quite sometimes .. but not to that extent.

- I always feel handicapped, even when I talk to someone, I rarely let out some very special and distinguished meanings I wish for them to know I have.

- Mmmm ..

- I think that’s why I even decided to write about my whole story from the very beginning, so I give the chance to whoever reads to know the background well and accordingly judge my thoughts and feelings …

- ibhog, I think I found the good motive for you ..

- shoot!

- You! .. you will be your own motive. It’s very similar to what you just said, write so you’re pleased with what you’re presenting, to feel consent about your words finally. Write and write and write .. till you feel that you delivered the longed for meaning and feelings you wished to paint.

- I thought about the same thing, the concept generally of thinking about oneself pleasing and so ..

- Though many think it’s selfish .. but sometimes it’s very healthy and is always the starting point for a positive change in one’s life.

- Yah ..

- So, get going man .. here is the motive .. it’s your own freakin’ self .. but be careful of things getting so bad.

- I think I know what you mean ..

- Good! ..

- Okay .. many thanks really .. I’ll try my best isA .. to write about myself and the ones I love and care for. But .. there is some other issue ..

- What issue ?!

- The mood .. the same old enemy of producing anything generally.

- Let me be frank about that, it’s apparent that your study and field generally ruined a part of your mind, being addicted to the screen somehow .. the thing that ended up in being overly moody.

- Hey hey .. __

- I mean that when you sit to write .. you easily find many distractions .. am I right ?

- Yes! .. it’s normal to check my three mails, my students page, my facebook page, my blog comments, my __

- See .. I bet that you have a headache and leave the screen ..

- Well, yes especially when I repeat the same scenario many times a day.

- Why don’t you write on paper ?

- A waste of time, especially with my terrible handwriting.

- Well, if that’s the case, then try to focus only on writing when you open you machine, I mean no mails, no webby thing .. nothing!

- I think I’ll try that .. actually .. I was thinking about making a small boycott for a week from opening the internet ever. I need to rest my head.

- I totally recommend something like that ..

- Maybe after my final exams then ..

- Being it mentioned .. how’s your exams and study ?

- I have 4 mid-terms the next week

- How cold, ibhog ?!

- Thanks .. you can’t imagine how am I waiting to get rid of the freaking college.

- I can observe that from the tone ..

- I have crazy ideas .. as always about the last day at college and so.

- I’m always ears

- Well, I’m thinking about making a public student runaway!

- Ahahahahaaa … sorry ?!

To be continued,

I don’t know why this blog is constantly being a place to deliver bad news and talk about sad situations .. while it was meant in the first place to be green and full of life.

Anyways .. I feel a very weird feeling now!

I got a very bad mark in a very easy course!

Was I wrong? .. of course .. in terms of attendance and assignments .. I wasn’t taking the appropriate care .. but it turned out that they had a very high weight in the grade!.

Anyways .. I really am not sad for those grades .. what I am really ailed for is that feeling of remorse I am holding now .. didn’t I know that I had to pay.

Maybe because it’s the first time for me to get such a bad evaluation .. it was a kind of a shock to be honest. But I am not content about having this feeling at all .. I should now be cool and take it very easy .. and to live with it.

I work now for a pretty cool company (e7l) .. I’m really not planning to follow any academic track after graduation and at the same time .. I’ll try to keep my general grade as ‘Excellent’. Actually, I persuaded myself that even a ‘Very Good’ will suffice to build a reputable career.

Is it that hard to be high graded with some below average courses! .. is it that freaking hard to get free one time of that self-accusal … aahhhhhhhh

It ruins me .. I had once very good aspects in and thoughts about studying .. and my college .. destroyed a lot in me .. a lot! .. those 4 years had a very negative impact on me ..

I once judged blabbering about college to be a total waste of time .. and I still judge the same.

I am talking now about myself …

things I need to do after college :

- stopping accusing myself all the time .. while being a victim!

- thinking about college in slightly less serious and very different way

- learning math from zero again!

- starting to pay attention to more important people and things in my life.

- vanquishing all depressing thoughts about college and taking things easy.

- trying to have variable things to do .. and focus mainly on building a good career.

Funny fact : I had two courses before whose grades were ‘C+’ .. I felt like hell back there but I lived normally ..

A colleague of mine once observed all of the above mentioned symptoms on my face while discussing a project .. he told me “Ibraheem .. we won’t enter prison in the end, and no one will conquer your home .. so get a grip and be redeemed! we mate2refneesh”

——

I just need something .. I need another step .. one other change.

Things that were changed in me positively lately:

- I lost weight, become more sober and accomplished a desired level of self restrain.

- I have now many activities … not that many! (at least I work as a coder:D )

- I began to work out .. that stopped now .. but it’ll be resumed isA.

- I feel comfortable and productive in my job environment .. a thing that I was worried about so much.

- I gained good technical experience lately .. and am, thank God, preserving my learning fast pace.

- I am now taking things easier than before .. but the impact is still hard.

Things in my change-list:

- I want to begin a new activity, I have many in my mind now.

- I feel I need to know more people. Mohamed once told me, that getting to know people is an important sort of change.

- I want to NOT feel like today again ever! .. I mean seriously now .. I took the decision of prioritizing college as second or maybe even third to work and personal life and comfort. So I don’t wish to be sad about it again .. because practically it won’t do me nothing .. nor would it add a value to me .. either in education or even in personal experience!

- Most importantly .. to begin to change!

The beginning is the hardest step. To begin is exactly the needed stimulation to kick off things .. it’s the very fact of change in literal.

Things that were changed in me lately were begun by a motive .. the hope to get rid of the ashes of the last term .. I began to think about the question ‘Why’ very often .. it lead me to me at the end .. and that no one deserved care but myself!

Now .. I want to gear up with something .. this is the thing I wish for. I want a powerful motive to begin with. For instance, 2 months passed since the day I decided that I’ll work out at dawn every day after the prayer .. the thing that never really took place during the two months! because I sleep late .

I want to study some programming thingies .. but I get busy with weird things.

I want to begin in math! .. believe me .. math appeared to be easier and simpler than what was drawn in my mind .. I got that Calculus book and began to read in it .. simply as is! .. math is equivalent to practice! .. paper + pencil + 30 mins a day = total joy with numbers and refreshed mind, this is one thing that college totally ruined.

But till now .. I didn’t begin .. and that’s not healthy really .. do I need another bad experience to slap me and give me the motive. Heck! .. that’d be hilarious .. I need another type of kick-off which I really am now trying hard to find.

I feel much better now after writing this post.

A legion of things to do .. is equal to the persistence needed to accomplish the first thing of them. I want persistence with the motive … may God help me isA.

Farewell,

Before saying anything, I would like to thank my dear friend Ibrahim on giving me the chance and the invitation to co-write in this special blog space “A Green Country”.

My intent is to write every post to be more like a spiritual experience or journey rather than some static dead words, putting some life into what the person is trying to say is much better I guess.

Every journey is going to consist of the following parts:

• The quotation: A famous quote for a wise personality that is relevant to the post topic.
• The photography: A real image or illustration as a picture worths thousand word.
• The Music: A sound track that I recommend to listen while or after reading the journey.
• The Words: Some words and thoughts to explain what the post is trying to say. I believe here that saying less is more.
• The Book: A book or article I advise you to read if you want to know more opinions and thoughts of the discussion presented.

I would like to hear your feedback as comments on the posts because presenting one opinion about a certain issue is not a wise thing to do after all. Thanks and Wait for the first journey so soon…

When I walk away in my thoughts ..

I see the train leaving ..

And inside is she ..

With her black sparkling curled hair ..

And her fine beautiful bloom ..

Her lovely complexion ..

Her unguarded eyes ..

Her spiritual smile ..

Her lively face ..

Her pale-pink lips ..

Her shy cheeks ..

Her bare glamorous arms ..

Ending with her little hands ..

Holding her lollipop ..

Suddenly ..

I can see her moving, few feet from the very spot I remain standing upon. Delicately, crosses she through the train windows .. I could see this .. due to the beautiful fact of me following the train unconsciously. She reached the door, she appears as if she were in a little hurry. I can see that from her sacred breaths, she turns to pass through the train door.

But, how sad was she realizing that she can’t.

She was reaching for something on the station ground .. I can feel that from her face and her sad looks.

I don’t know how that happened .. but I got a glimpse of that tiny toy on the ground .. she was obviously aiming for that doll of hers.

She began immediately to surrender for tears .. she lost her valuable source of joy in her little life.

I couldn’t miss the chance .. I leaned down and took the toy. She attended immediately and her lovely eyes were totally into mine.

I smiled .. at the while I began to run ..

She now was like a fan of an Olympic athlete in a runners race, she badly desired me to reach for her on the train door’s window.

I ran .. and ran .. till I reached her ..

She stretched her hands .. her tears have gone away now .. she was beginning to smile at me .. she had a thankful face that I felt.

While I was running to cope with her .. I gave her her doll .. and I began to slow down because the train was now fast for me .. but not fast enough to deny me the most brilliant “Thank You” I ever heard in my life.

Yup .. she said it .. her voice was so calm, thin and delicate. She said it in the air, and she was holding her little doll with much happiness than could be described.

The moment I heard her ‘Thank You’ .. I couldn’t take but to totally stop .. staring at her, seized by her glamorous spirit.

The train kept fast taking off .. away from my place. Till she totally disappeared with er curled hair.

I held still after the train disappeared .. trying to reclaim self-caliber infront of the crowd.

I love that happening .. a lot. Though fantasy is far .. it’s beautiful.

Judging upon one’s lore of happy moments .. that wasn’t vanity.

It was sky on ground .. flying on wings of innocence.

In flowers, roses and young children’s eyes … I see God everyday.

Why ibhog? .. why are you writing such things .. all the people that wrote about their memoirs had something to write about .. something special that designates theirs from all other people. Do you have something special to write about??

Well, this section may be the largest writing project till now .. to be honest .. writing about my memories was from the first things that came over my mind when I began to write ever.

I see that my memories are not that special .. but the mix of conditions and circumstances I lived through is somehow really weird!. This strange mix includes family, places, me myself, friends, my fantasy side and my dreams.

I think it takes guts and distinguished bravery .. to share such things in public .. but in fact .. it’s not decided yet if it will be fully shared, that will depend on various things.

Another solid reason behind writing this .. is to document the things that I don’t want to forget .. and the things that shouldn’t be forgotten. I want to see my green country, say after 10 years, and read these memoirs from the perspective I am writing them now. I think it will feel really good.

Writing memories is a habit that many have .. but to actually produce an artistic piece .. you should be so sincere in your writings about your life. I believe that writing real things .. situations that you faced .. scenes that you witnessed yourself .. can be far more glamorous than writing about fiction or fantasy.

So .. what am I going to write about ??? actually I have a list of blogisodes that I plan to write:

1. The incident of my mother’s illness and passing away (this post may get out of control!)
2. About my high school experience in Egypt (3rd secondary year).
3. About Saudia Arabia … actually this is a whole series .. full of life on it’s behalf.
4. About my family .. a fair biography of the special people I grew up amongst.
5. About college .. some posts.
6. About childhood .. some posts.
7. About .. well .. myself .. who is ibhog ?? what are the real goods and bads about ibhog, what does he want ?? what does not he want ?? .. whats, whys, whens and some other W’s. Of course along with real life situations and experiences.
8. A future section … how do I see myself in the future … from all perspectives.

Well .. that’s something from what I wish to write about .. I hope I can accomplish a good portion.

One last thing .. if anyone concerns themselves and read my memoirs .. then I’ll say it:

Thanks for coming to visit me at home …

regards,

Well … back to my humble space … actually … I don’t know where to begin, I’ve just returned from college .. we were meeting the Dr concerning our training and graduation project.

The meeting went well … but, for sorrow, I don’t want to begin in something related to college during these days … I’ll try anyways. After that .. I hanged out with Mohamed Omar, one of the special persons I wanted to talk about.

Have you ever tried this act ?? to write about your friends .. I consider this a proof of fidelity .. there is many things that written words can reveal .. many things .. you can’t talk about freely face to face … but you can paint your feelings about them inside words.

From the deep of my heart … I want to say thousands of words … but my tongue can’t just take it … somehow … writing has more capacity.

I am now at the beginning of my post .. but I don’t know why I feel that it will be my master piece .. it’s just a feeling .. so let’s see what this post can come with …

I want, as a start, to put you in the same situation I want to write about, maybe it happened to you already, imagine, or in case you witnessed such scene remember, that you are walking with your friend, or more generally, the person you mostly care for and love, your father, mother, sister or anyone. While you are walking together … your friend received a phone call that carries bad news.

Now to the hard part .. what’s the most affecting thing that happens at this very moment .. is it that you will feel sorry for him/her, or that you will try to entertain him and make him forget … or that you will try to make him/her talk as much as possible to lighten things a little … mmm .. or will you two cry ?? What is that thing that makes you remember the moment for very long … … … maybe try to narrate something similar that happened to yourself .. a thing that will make things easy on this beloved person.

Do you know the difference between a person who is crying … and an eye who is crying ??? who affects you the most ??? there is no tears in crying eyes btw .. you just know that it’s crying … there is a hurting sign of struggle inside its scene. A crying person .. gives you the feeling that everything is over … it also carries a hurting sign of fear …

When you see a crying eye … you can have very different feelings from whilst you see a crying person. Let me paint this …

When dad is traveling abroad and he is saying goodbye to his little family … his little 5 years daughter … upon knowing that he is finished preparing to leave … and after hearing her mom saying “Go say bye bye to papa” … the young angel then feels an unknown feeling of being so scared … a feeling that pushes her heart to pour blood enough into her tiny veins to run .. run and run .. to papa’s room … and jump high in his wide shoulders .. she somehow feels, with her beautiful young mind, .. that he is going to disappear totally form her life ……. her small body now is in her dad’s hands … leaning her head besides his and kissing him and saying with so delicate a voice “Papa don’t go”. Papa now smiles and says “I’ll be back soon .. I promise” and looking to her with his eyes … a look that is sending a mix of the most lovely feelings God created in us; love, cries, responsibility, happiness that his girl is so grown up .. fear from future, sad that this is life, hope that he will make his family happy .. so hot breaths in the inside … he then gives her this last hug, his wide arms .. are around her .. she is totally into him, her tears pour on his shirt … after that he puts her, so delicately and elegantly on the ground .. but she still is seizing his legs .. she doesn’t want him to go away .. her cries in continuing to tear his heart … cruel life now obligates him to take his luggage and continue his way out of home … she is still hanging with his legs .. with her tiny hands .. seizing his cloth .. she then looks up and see papa gives mom a hug and says “take care everybody ..” , he then leans his legs and gets down to look at his daughter straight in the eyes .. and say “Look after mommy .. don’t let go of her” … she says nothing .. she just nods with her crying face. The man then .. gets out of the house saying .. ” I love you”. The young girl then .. cries a lot .. for her .. he really disappeared .. mom then carries her and tries to calm her down.

Now … … … where is the crying eye and the crying person ??? for me .. dad’s eyes are crying .. and the crying person .. is the little girl .. can you notice the difference now .. a grown person crying eyes is equally affectionate as a crying little child .. it carries the same point behind crying … the point that states surrender to life cruelty .. surrender to circumstances .. a thing that leaves you incapable of nothing but to just pour tears.

The difference is in that crying eyes don’t have but little tears maybe .. without voice or screams .. it’s silent tears, crying persons .. deliver screams and even hard feelings sometimes.

The same scene repeats every second on our dwelling called earth … but with different actors and maybe a little altered conditions … but the same prospect holds … each one of us needs to cry sometime .. and he/she has to cry. It’s beautiful and hurting at the same time to have someone beside you when you deliver tears and complaints from life.

I always wanted to be that somebody to that person … being someone’s sanity and friend is one of the best things to do in life, when you support someone with your feelings … this is uttermost comfort and happiness.

Now .. I want to write this phrase that describes friendship ..

True friend is the only person who, when you cry, gives you the feeling and meaning behind crying and push you to pour tears more and more. Tears entails the dynamic face of life, the spiritual end sought at each sunrise and sunset, all the opposites and odds of feelings. Your friend is the only person you wish be with you at each sunrise and sunset, the person who cries with you at sunset, and laughs with you at sunrise. Friendship then is actually life itself. Those who don’t have friends aren’t really alive.

What does this have to do with my getaway ??

Actually, after the disaster I made, when I screwed up a project delivery and made three of my best friends .. loose 30 marks each, I feel so owing them much than I can bear. Till now I can’t believe that they treat me the same, they even proved more .. they are now more feeling me than blaming me. For truth to be said .. I made a big mistake .. this is probably the biggest mistake of my life till now.

About crying .. I cried when I got out of college that day, I cried when I knew there grades .. and I cry everyday because of this black hole I made in our friendship. At the same time .. I am happy to be with them and listen to their complaints.

Mohamed Omar … got out with me today … I watched him very closely … he really didn’t seem to even remember that day. I thank him! … this post is for my friends .. I dedicate it also to the miserables who screwed up like me.

Mohamed Omar, Mahmoud Shahin, Mohamed Gamal …

I write a paragraph about each to show you how those people are so special …

Mohamed Omar …

Delicate .. “Zay Ennesma” as they say in Arabic. Mohamed is the person who everybody can feel comfortable to .. Very calm, doesn’t get angry at all, so grown up in his thinking and his approach to life. So passionate .. pure in the inside .. and above all he understands people very well.

Mahmoud …

I’ve got to admit this .. but Mahmoud is a person I learn about everyday .. a totally new thing. He is so informative … you can refer to him in many things in normal life … I lack numerous things compared to him … Mahmoud also is so responsible. He can remarkably control when to get angry and when to get clam. Mahmoud values friends very well..

Gimmy …

The first one who made me understand what geekry can do to one’s life. Mohamed is a master in writing style .. he reads very wide and he knows about many things .. different things from Mahmoud btw. Gimmy is so rational .. enthusiastic .. and very independent. One special thing about Gimmy also is his challenging way of thinking.

This is nothing to what could be described about them. I know I bothered them enough with this thing called “I am sorry about what happened” .. so this is the last thing. But, to be sure, no amnesty can be granted to one such as myself on such thing .. for I am always sorry God it be said everyday.

My getaway didn’t survive the bad memory .. so I wanted to talk about it.

My injury now is a little recovered. I can now narrate some funny things about the trip. When I returned after the accident … Mohamed AbdelSalam was surprisingly concerned … he said .. emergency .. emergency .. they put me in that chair .. Mohamed Omar kept convincing me to clean the wound with his perfume .. I agreed .. but only using a tissue .. not directly .. it hurt like hell then. Kimo took me to a pharmacy .. I thank them all for that.

One thing also … was our sitting beside the sea … it was so enjoying. Also .. me and Mohamed’s sitting alone talking in the balcony in our last night .. it was so special.

I thank you all for the wonderful trip.

Thanks for reading the insane post .. and btw .. it’s not my masterpiece .. somehow .. something is still missing in my writing style.

regards,

I woke up at like 11 am, to catch sometime to study for an internship assessment at a software company. I tried to wake up before that, but it was so tiresome.

Anyways, I had my breakfast, studied for like an hour and a half and then I dressed up and got going early, at 1.30 pm. The assessment time was 5 pm. Yes! transportation took 3 hours, I had to meet the guys before the assessment so we can go together.

The new thing I did today, is that I took the lovely novel of Jane Austen, Emma. I read two chapters in the bus. Believe me, give this novel a try, Jane Austen is a superb novelist, she excels in her dialogs and descriptions.

The assessment wasn’t easy, but somehow I did good thank God. After it was finished, I hanged some time with the guys and then returned home, reading another chapter of the novel in the bus.

My feelings today … mmmm … well, I was a little afraid from the assessment, also I got a little confused with the so very much time I spent in transportation. I also felt so happy about the novel, I reached chapter 9, where the events are starting to get exciting. For info, this is my first time digging that deep in novel reading.

I am sitting now blogging on my lovely space A Green Country. I am thinking of beginning a Memoirs section, which will be really interesting.

I also plan to write some post on my technical blog, I hope I can find time.

You know, this Diary section is strangely comfortable!

regards,

Imagine that there is a camera with us, and that we, today, want to take as many images as we can, images from every kind there is, images that covers as much scenes this life witnesses everyday.

Imagine that, today, we are producing the most extremely large album of photos, and let’s call it the World of All Worlds Album, with the following cover:

If you want to see everything; beautiful & ugly, living & not living, good & bad, sound & silent, true & false, black & white, colored & pale, natural & artificial, scientific & artistic, warm & scary … all things … then you have to consider making this album an important property of your life.

If you seek the one, fine, missing, clear, clean, undeniably true and mostly beautiful photo of all photos, then you surely will find it in the World of All Worlds Album.

Whatever race, sex, religion or color you belong to, you will find yourself belonging to the World of All Worlds.

We will reach, together, a climax, that you will never forget in your life.

So, where to begin from … can you think of a plan … we need to cover many things … how about a spaceship that just got out through a super massive black hole … can you imagine the scene now ??? … we are like … looking at 4 or 5 scattered galaxies … wait … how about we forget about the spaceship … it’s just us … flying there with nothing but the cameras.

So … back to those round white things called galaxies … approaching one of them and approaching, as we get closer, things grow bigger and bigger … as we hit the first entry into the field .. the speed appears now ultra, we are actually traveling light time … a feeling of a thin techno musical spark in the inside … right?, it’s just like a movie, how about some direction and effects … well … imagine the music of those fantasy-like drums, with the appropriate vocals, gradually getting high volumed, with the scene turning around to the extent that we ourselves feel steady and unmoving, while actually the inner ocean of stars, planets and asteroids are attacking at us, they move so near to us !!, things can turn upside down as if we are riding the roller coaster.

Well, too fast now to see any clear picture, we begin to feel a little bit slower, a feeling that only comes from the scene we see, those running objects are finally beginning to make steady … drums calmed down, vocals ended in a long vanishing pattern, surely … I bet you know where exactly are we now … we are now actually flying through our own neighbor planets, with the image of a one massive burning yellow ball appearing from the far behind. As we calmly touch the marvelous scenes of a planet by planet, the yellow ball grows larger … larger … till … a special, extremely tiny, pale, round blue object appears hardly enough in front of the large burning ball.

You don’t know why … but this is the first time we felt our beating hearts!!! … music now turns to only vocal … crying thin womanly voice actually, very affectionate rhymes … tones that you feel holding your blood veins and pressing hard on them, the thing that makes your heart even beat harder and faster … the tone gets more fluctuating and frequent as the blue object gets near, the thing that makes you some how scared, anxious and nervous at the same time!!! … when the blue object now turn up clear enough to explode this scream of ‘wow’ inside you, the magic made you forget all the previous trip scenes … … …

Right here … our cameras, from themselves, began to take photos … soon, white and blue combinations detailed out, with a magical outer transparent protective parchment … Earth was the miss universe at this moment, a bride with fine cloth, most fashionable, with magnificent acoustic music now beginning to spread in the far dark horizons around it.

We felt that she was smiling at our cameras … for now … Earth is taking hold of the whole scene, we now see nothing but Earth. A since of power, beauty, delicacy …. and life! blushed out as we were penetrating the outer atmosphere.

To be continued,

You know .. sometimes .. one just feels suddenly lonely.

You know .. sometimes .. one just feels suddenly sad.

You know .. sometimes .. one just feels suddenly crying ……

Yeah, that’s what I feel sometimes, especially during this month.

I think I need someone who can watch over me, who cares about me … someone who loves me.

Somehow, when I just look at the book of life, I see many many pages that can be understood only in certain times, oh I realize that now more than anytime else.

Life pages, include more than thoughts and feelings, life pages are live all the time, available for you to just look at and stare with astonishment.

Can you imagine … a yellow flower with this fantastic aroma.

Can you imagine … a beautiful girl with this marvelous young eyes.

Can you imagine … me … with my thoughts and feelings.

The difference is that yellow flowers can present aroma to life, and contribute to its beauty, and beautiful young girls contribute by their spiritual joys and laughs.

Me … … … can I contribute, alone, to life with anything ??

There is this scene .. that I many times picture in my mind .. that I would like to share ..

It’s about that man, black hair, brown eyes, sweating smiling face, yet fatigue, his eyes are always full of hope, his heart lives somewhere else, sometimes, he looks at the sky from amidst all the workers in this coal mine …

Not rich, barely finds what he eats, he sometimes sit with his co-workers after hours of work to drink or breathe … all of them are so tired, some are angry .. mad about this fate, or say luck.

From whilst this dark scene that everyone of them is living in, comes his voice, uttering upon their ears … some words, or a story … full of beautiful meanings and lovely pictures.

He may have lived those scenes that he tells, or maybe it’s just his mind direct talks.

He loves what he does, he enriches his happiness when he sees all the frowns on his men eyes going away, and instead their smiles and joys appearing.

When finished … workers get back to work as if it’s a new morning, refreshed, relaxed and clean.

He loves music, but he can’t play it … all his music is in his heart, the most beautiful, affectionate tones and rhymes, he plays them all, in his inside, his green country … his heart.

His only pain .. is that he wants to show that beauty to someone … he wants to invite a life mate into this green country, but, for what sorrow is all about, he yet didn’t catch upon a worthy mate.

While he is hitting the big coal rocky formations with his axe, and while his sweat drops, crystally flies away … and while his eyes glows with pain, hope … and love wait.

Appears her …

From behind … behind all the horizons his eyes can catch to reach. He flew down into imaginations … forgetting his axe, his tired body and the whole coal mine. He translated the prospect totally, the scene now is only her.

She walks as if on the sea, delicate as if on flowers, slow as if a bride, smiling as if in a paradise.

He stood up, threw away what his hand was busy with, stretched his wide body and took a sigh of a land finder lost in the sea.

His sigh … ended up with a thin voice, vanished with a head leaned with a teared eye.

He realized the black … coal mine scene back again.

She … whilst walking across the mine opened … gate! … to her, the eyes were focused on the fortress hero … the true man … the brown eyes of the mine mate.

She … stopped … when she glanced his leaning tearing eyes … her heart started right away! … to tear down, sending rivers of waters to her lovely green wide eyes.

He … lining his face … relaxing his arms besides his body … stood there with silence.

She … calming down … holding a hand with the other … up to the heart spot … and then slowly relaxing them in the same way he did.

The more than many feet distance … was not able to block their silent conversation … their eye talks and hearty speeches.

The secret conversing ended in a life agreement, of sharing their green countries with a river of love in the middle.

Hmmmm … … …

Is it that hard to actualize an inside image on an outside happy piece of years …. ????

People who are meant to meet … will meet. People who are meant to love … will love.

Those who don’t believe … have to believe …

For one day … Proof will reveal …

That life is … love.